hey jaycee, i had a look at this but this is probably too much for my brain...i leave that up to you to figure out and let me know once you do, hehe

ayt vic andallo..

ill give you a harder one..

let's see if you can solve this one coz honestly, im solving this for a month now and still haven't got the answer.. maybe you could help me..

here goes :

im an 11-letter word
my 1-4 is an insect
my 3-5 is a food
5-8 is a heavenly body
combine 1358 and you'll get my 7-10
my 9-11 is ur bestfriend..

IT AIN'T SURGERY


A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at a neurosurgeon's house. After a 2-minute job, he demanded $75. "I don't charge this amount even though I'm a surgeon."
"You're right- that's why I switched from surgery to plumbing!"




---

Three nurses arrive at the pearly gates. St. Peter asks the first why he should admit her. She replies that she has been an emergency room nurse and has saved thousands and thousands of lives. "OK", he says, "Come on in!" The second reports that he has been an ICU nurse and he, too, has saved thousands and thousands of lives. St. Peter lets him in, too. St. Peter asks the third nurse the same question. She replies that she has been a managed care nurse and has saved thousands and thousands of dollars for the insurance company. St. Peter replies, "OK, Come on in, but you can only stay three days."


---

Doc tells a guy he has a bad heart. The guy says "I want another opinion." The doc says "OK, you're ugly too."

Words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
AND:

He said . .... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . .. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said . . . They already have boyfriends.

She said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said .. .. . A widow.

He said . ... . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

jaycee,

that would be materialistic...

anything harder, hehe

dis is an IQ test..
arrange these words to form 1 word

" CAT TIME IS LIAR"

clue : attitude of most people now..

good luck!!

What is our favorite (Ilocano) sauce?

may isang kano na naglalakad,

nakita ni Juan na bukas ang bag ng kano..


Juan: Pedro, sabihin mo sa kano na bukas ang bag niya!


Pedro: Hey Joe!!!!
your bag is tomorrow!!


wahahahaha!!!!

diba masakit pag inagawan ka?

diba masakit pagniloko ka?

diba masakit pag pinaasa ka?

pero mas masakit pag....




may kumagat na kuton sa ubet mo na di mo makudkod ta adu ti tao!hehehe

si DAN TORRES ng Bicol nagTNT sa US..

Nag-grocery...

Cashier: Visa or Master?

Dan: (kabado) hanap Visa ko!

< Sumakay ng Auto, walang gas >

Gas Boy: Pay first!

Dan: naku po! papers daw!

< run siya sa phone booth to call home>

Voice: Hello AT&t, may I help you?

Dan: alam nila a TNT ako!

< pawisang lumabas>

Kano: are you done?

Dan: kilala niya ako!

Kano: Tourist?

Dan: pati apilyido ko!

Kano: Be cool!

Dan: Nay ko po pati probinsiya alam!

I was thinking about this the whole night and my second guess answer to this question is: a SNAKE? (the best answer to it....) I still have a chance...hahahaha...the answer in not in yet...

my answer to: "What is, no feet, no hands, no ear(s), no nose but have two eyes and also have a mouth?" = I think the answer to this one is SEAL(S)…I was also thinking Octopus and Squid, Whale and Dolphins, but I think Seals have a nostril but really not a nose, they got flippers not hands and legs, they can hear sounds but really have no ear..I may have to go with my instinct…I think it’s seals that is my final answer…I’ll lock it in. :o)

C.Jean, Your answer is too scientific and realistic! Remember riddle is to confuse everyone who wants to be confused and I believe this time I confused everyone! HEHEHE!

The answer to the "No hands, No feet, No ear(s), No nose but have two eyes and a mouth" is....COCONUT SHELL

HELP DESK

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
------------------------------------
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
-----------------------------------
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in! Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
-------------------------------------
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
------------------------------

My answers to these words are listed below:

IINRYTT =trinity

AIIECFSCR =sacrifice

YAIDPMR =pyramid

ODWSR =words

ITSRCH =Christ

IUYCCRF =crucify

MRROA =armor

my answer to: "What is, no feet, no hands, no ear(s), no nose but have two eyes and also have a mouth?" = I think the answer to this one is SEAL(S)…I was also thinking Octopus and Squid, Whale and Dolphins, but I think Seals have a nostril but really not a nose, they got flippers not hands and legs, they can hear sounds but really have no ear..I may have to go with my instinct…I think it’s seals that is my final answer…I’ll lock it in. :o)

One more day I will give the answer to my Burburtia: No Hands, no feet, no ear(s),
but have two eyes and one mouth. So hurry up!

Tara's Summer Jobs Announcements:
I want the package 4 deal since it pays the most. I want to be the next millionaire from Magsingal! HeHeHe!

SUMMER JOB OPPORTUNITIES:

Tara,

How about this package:

-p100,000/show
-manila zoo
-ipapakain ka sa buwaya

heheheh..... where are you getting all these stuff?

Manong GUU, ilang araw na akong kinukulit ni Tara kung ano raw sagot sa bugtong mo.

"Question: What is, no feet, no hands, no ear(s), no nose but have two eyes and also have a mouth."

Gusto niya siya ang makasagot. hehehe.... Sabi ko, di ko alam or else I would have answered it long time ago.

SUMMER JOB OPPORTUNITIES

package 1
-p5,000/hour
-enchanted kingdom
-taga tulak ng anchor's away

package 2
-p7,000/day
-palengke
-taga lista ng noisy

package 3
-p800/min
-star city
-taga hila ng roller coaster

package 4
-p900/min
-quezon ave.
-ikaw yung humps

package 5
-p5,000/hour
-PLDT
-ikaw yung dial tone

package 6
-p10,000/hour
-Mall of Asia
-taga ikot ng globo



pili na ng JOB!

CHINESE COLOR ASTROLOGY

pili ka:

RED
BLUE
YELLOW
PINK
BLACK

Let's see how powerful you are this year..



i'll send you the meaning..

it's inspiring:)

arrange this words:

> IINRYTT

>AIIECFSCR

>YAIDPMR

>ODWSR

>ITSRCH

>IUYCCRF

>MRROA

Question: What is, no feet, no hands, no ear(s), no nose but have two eyes and also have a mouth.

Tara, same concept though as the palito - black when unused, then turns red when lighted, then turns gray once the fire is off...come on, close enough.

no ninong....charcoal...heheheh....

The New, New Alphabet

A is for apple, and B is for boat, that used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what we once said, but let's be a bit more realistic instead.
Now...The New Alphabet!

A is for arthritis;
B is for the bad back,
C is the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention..
H is high blood pressure-I'd rather it low;
I is for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out o f socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend..
L is for limbs, absolutely no reflex.
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteoporosis, the bones that don't grow!
P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; there's bell in my ears!
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know
W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have-- in my mind.

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!

SENIOR HUMOR 3

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

SENIOR HUMOR 2

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'

SENIOR HUMOR 1

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'

JOKE:

What has four wheels and flies?

Tara, I think the answer to your burburti is palito, is that correct?

This is a sequel to what happened next to Mang Manny's joke about the Pope, The CEO(Chicken) and the WonderBread Company. Mang Manny hope you won't mind ta nayonak man ti kalokohan daytoy joke mo(pasensiya na kung sakali masuka kayo sa kakornihan ko).

And so it came to pass that for a year, "Give us this day our daily CHICKEN" was in the Lord's Prayer.

One day the CEO of the Wonderbread Company paid a surprise visit to the Pope. His Holiness was at first apologetic when he saw the CEO of Wonderbread but the CEO said, "Your Holiness, no need to apologise, I know you were just following the teaching of our LORD". The Pope was somewhat puzzled so he asked the CEO what exactly does he mean. The CEO said "Your Holiness, I read it too, 'MAN CAN NOT LIVE BY BREAD ALONE'" and the CEO went on saying, "I guess we need to eat meat sometime. Your Holiness, here's my offer, I'm donating $50 billion US dollars, just bring back the BREAD as an additional word to the phrase"

The following day, the Pope met with his Cardinals. The Pope was in a very jolly and cheerful mood. He said "I have two good news, the first news is that we are now 50 billion richer and this time we did not have to lose any account. The second good news is that from now on we now have balance diet meal in our prayer("GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY CHICKEN AND BREAD").

A management lesson from a friend..

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered:
"Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

PAL: "We are now preparing to land in San Francisco Int'l Airport. Should you need any assistance, please don't hesitate to ask us. Hope you Enjoyed your flight!"


" At paalala lang sa mfa pilipinong pasahero, ang mga unan, kumot, kutsara, at iba pang mga gamit sa eroplano ay hindi kasali sa pasalubong. Salamat po!"

FOR GENIUS ONLY: what is black when you buy it?

red when you use it and gray when you throw it away?

kaya niyo? let's see how your IQ works.

(Another joke on feet ..)

Question: Why did those apostles on the boat who saw Jesus walking on water started to sink when they tried to follow Jesus?

Answer: Because they have little feet (and the Jesus said unto them, “You men of little feet” , Binisaya ko lang gid)

A little girl asked her Grandfather:
"Do you know why the "car" is not running?"

The Grandfather answered:
"Because it does not have wheels and gas"

The little girl looked at her Grandfather and said:
"No because they do not have any feet"

A guy visited his doctor complaining of constipation. The doc gave him some medicine and if he was still having problems, to come back and see him in a week. After a week, the guy came back.
Doc: What happened, didn't the medicine work?
Guy: The meds worked perfect, Doc. I was being regular every morning around 7.
Doc: That's good. So what's the problem?
Guy: I don't wake up until 8.

The CFO of the biggest chicken company in the world visited the Vatican to see the Pope. "Your Holiness", he said, "my company is proposing to pay the Catholic Church $1 billion a month if you make a decree to change one word in the Lord's Prayer. Instead of 'give us this day our daily BREAD', it shall be 'give us this day our daily CHICKEN'". Upon hearing this the Pope immediately got mad and had the man thrown out. A year passed and the Pope had another visitor. This time it was the VP of the same chicken company. For the same word change proposal, the monetary offer was raised to $50 billion a month. The Pope again got mad and the VP was also thrown out. Another year passed and this time it was the CEO of the company himself who visited the Pope. He said, "Your Holiness, I beg your pardon for the low amount my predecessors offered you, but this time our final offer is $100 billion a month."
The next day the Pope had a meeting with all the Cardinals. "I have good news and bad news. The good news is the Church will be richer by $100 billion every month. The bad news is we lost the WonderBread account."

Question: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Answer: Because he doesn't have any body to go with.

Question: Why is 6 afraid of 7.

Answer: Because 7 8 9 (you need to say it aloud)

Response to the Puso ng Saging for Valentine's Day:

Oh kaliwan liwa...
Sagot ti maysa nga nangbasa,
Ken diay daniw mo nga insagot diay baket mo nga saba,
Nasay-sayaat la ngem diay awan rupa,
Ngem uray annia a regalon basta saan nga saba,
Naim-imas pay diay makupa,
Narigrigat nga biroken ta awanen ti agmula ken daytoyen nga fruta...

oh kaliwan liwa...
No di mo kayat ti agrigat nga mangkita iti makupa,
Diay ngaruden bank bookmo wenno kuwarta,
Igatang ti masapul ditoy balay wenno ditoy kubo ta
Padagkelen ta wenno ipatarimaan ta,
Tapno saan nga mapukaw para ken dagiti appoko ta.....

Hello Everybody,

Happy Valentines to you and your loved ones, too. With the perennial question of what to give your significant other, last year, (being an Ilocano) I cooked a dish of chicken hearts adobo for Grace but the dog and I ended up eating the whole thing ourselves, not to mention being in the dog house for a week. We men just can never win. What is more practical and tasty than a dish made of hearts?? Well, this year I'm betting she'll like my gift for her. A dozen roses? Heck no, you can not eat these expensive things and they only last but a few days. Instead I'm giving her a dozen bananas. Why? Alalahanin ninyo na sa lahat ng prutas sa buong mundo, ang saging lang ang may Puso.

Here is the final version of my Valentine's card notes, accompanied by a basket of sweet bananas for my Grace:

O, Kaliwanliwa

Hindi kumikinang na parang ginto
O makislap na brilyanteng bato
Hindi imported na tsokolate o mamahaling pabango
Pero puno ng bitamina para sa kalusugan mo

Simple lang itong simbolo ng pagmamahal ko
Pero sana ay alalahanin mo
Na sa lahat ng prutas sa buong mundo
Ang tanging saging lang ang may Puso.

Ang nagmamahal mong houseband,
M.

Noong nanliligaw ka pa lang ay may duda na ako
Lalu na noong sabihin mo sa akin na ikaw ay "Kano"
Pero ngayon ay pinatunayan mo sa saging na regalo
Na ikaw pala ay isang makunat na IloKano.

Salamat naman at naalala mo
Ang kalusugan ko sa araw ng mga puso
Kaya imbitahin mo lahat ng kaibigan mo
Para may katulong kang kumain ng fruit salad buong
linggo.